


I Remember

by Nina36



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s07e15 Repo Man, Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 14:53:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/623382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nina36/pseuds/Nina36
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Evil has many ways to touch our souls</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Remember

Because you’re all I have…and what’s left if you’re not real any more? If I can’t breathe you, hear your steps, your heartbeat, feel your skin under my fingers?

I had to. Had to.

I had to listen…

You see? Evil has many ways to touch our souls. Mine, wormed its way into my head, again, whispering about you. Offering to help.

What was I supposed to do? Even if I knew he wasn’t real, even if I know it now, I had to find you. I had to let him in.

He’s whispering now, reminding me of things…and I try to focus on your breath, on the way your body feels against mine. I try to remember you’re the angular stone that keeps me up, that makes it worth.

I’m slipping, fading, he’s laughing…and I need to close my eyes, dig my nails in my palms and I still see you.

I feel fire, sulfur… I need to know what’s real…I need…

_I remember your hands warming mine when I was about six and I lost my mittens._

Hooks in my skins, bones grinding together, rancid smell all around me...

_I remember you trying to bake cookies once, for school, for me and how we ended up eating them while watching some John Carpenter movie._

I can feel my skin boiling, burning up to a crisp while he sings. He used to sing all the time in the Cage, you know?

_I remember the day I realized I was in love with you. If Zacariah hadn’t fucked our Heaven up, you’d have seen it as well._

I remember your smile. I always, always remember your smile, Dean. I can feel his hands, icy cold on my throat, his laughter puffing against my face I remember the first time I kissed you. You started, you sighed and gave in and I remember feeling how fast your heart was beating under my fingertips.

I remember…

He tells me things, all the things he did to me, he’s promising he’ll make me remember it all, live it all, over and over…until there’s nothing left.

_I remember a summer night, we drank too much, we had no money, our credit cards were all maxed out, we spent our last money on beer and we drank it under the stars, and laughed…we couldn’t stop laughing and hanging onto each other. We didn’t say words…did we need them?_

He’s promising me that he’ll wear your face as he rips my heart out, as he fucks me while I bleed, while I choke on my blood. I remember losing you, having you back…your arms around me: solid, warm, safe.

I remember nights spent watching you sleep, before the deal…wanting to freeze time. I remember being grateful to Gabriel, because at least, even if I watched you die everyday, I had more days with you.

He laughs, he always does, even while he slices me open…even while he smashes your head and forces me to watch. I remember loving you, even when I didn’t know you.

I remember needing you…I remember dreaming of you: like a brother, a warrior, a lover. He’s winning, I’m slipping away…and you stir in your sleep.

But I remember you, Dean. I will always remember.


End file.
